Thursday, May 12, 2011
I had come to the sad, depressing, life altering conclusion of my life. I was my parents in every way shape and form. Well, not form since I didn't look a thing like them. But the problem was, I did. I was just a big a cliche as them, just as stupid of a trend as them, just as made up and fake as them. I may not have been bottle blond and perfect, but I was bottle black and rebellious. I based my image off of what society told me was rebellious, and my parents based themselves off of what society told them was perfect. I was a looser, a bitch, a stereotype, a complete failure!!! I had gone so far left of them I came all the way back right! What was I doing with my life?!
I stood up and wobbled slightly, stiff from my rough night sleep on the floor. I popped my joints and stretched before I headed on home.
All the people I had been mean to, that pirate guy at the carnival. I was a spoiled brat, and he deserved to yell at me.
"I've earned my place here, lets see you do as much."
I hadn't earned my place, I had abused it, stomped on it, spat in its face.
I began taking out my piercings as I walked, my lips, my nose, my tongue, my eyebrow... They were all stupid cliches that were not even worth it. They hurt like hell to get them, hurt after, and looked god damn stupid. They landed on the ground with a clink, rolling into the gutter.
I was sorry I had kicked that clown off of his tricycle, he hadn't deserved that. Hey, he had found a job he loved, even if it was annoying to me... I was sorry I had yelled at the guy who had given me trash bags for a prize. He had saved me $5.80... I was sorry that robber had gotten squished by the ATM. That had to have hurt, even if he was a thief, didn't we all want money? He just had the balls to steal it. I was sorry I had yelled at the woman who was on the date with that clown. At least she had found love, which was something I would never find... Someone couldn't love you if you didn't love you, and I hated myself. I hated myself now more than I hated my parents.
My feet sloshed through puddles as I crossed the street to my apartment building. I remembered hearing the sound of the thunder in my dreams last night... I stopped and looked down at the water, seeing my reflection on its surface. Puddles lie, because I looked like I had a couple years ago. Blond, smiling, free of holes in my face.... I kicked at it and the me I knew and hated looked back at me. Blood dripped down into the puddle from my lip, I had pulled it out a little to hard...
"What do I do now?" I asked myself.
"You know, go back home." I told me.
"I don't want to, just because I realize I'm fake doesn't mean I want to be with them again."
"Yes you do, you want to go back home and be YOU. Not them, not Crimson, YOU."
I thought about what I had said before I realized I was talking to myself it a puddle. I left my slippers there in the puddle as I walked off, walking another 2 minutes before I came back to my apartment.
A shot suddenly ran through the air. I jumped at the sound, slipping on the oily granite and falling into a large puddle, soaking myself. My eyes widened as I saw a man's head explode, and then a man walk off the building and crack his head open on the ground, and then another shot from the roof. I screamed and scrambled to get up, running into my building. This place was freaking crazy. I went up to my room and began to pack, knowing what I had to do.
When I was done got in my car that I had stolen from a junk yard and drove off, finally ready to be myself...
Monday, May 9, 2011
I picked up my microwave and chuck it across the room, watching it smash against my wall and dumpling juice squirt on the floor. I had had enough. I grabbed my coat and stormed outside. Screw my pajama pants with skulls on them that are too short for public, screw my little black slippers, screw my black tank top that's all wrinkly and screw my black hair half up in a pony tail half down since i messed it up sleeping, SCREW IT ALL!!!!!!!!!!
Suddenly, as I marched out onto the street, a scent filled my nose that stopped me in my tracks. I couldn't tell what it was at first. It was delicious, but in a bitter way, like a smell that made you happy and want to punch someone at the same time. As I slowly breathed it in it came to me what it was that I smelled. Blueberry pie... Blueberry pie...blueberry pie... why did this smell calm me down so suddenly? i felt no residual hatred of my power outage, all i wanted was to stand there in my pajamas and smell this delicious memory. Wait, memory... what did this remind me of...? When had blueberry pies meant anything to me besides a delicious desert that i could no longer afford? As i continued to breathe in the smell it hit me. I was thrust back to my childhood, before I had rebelled. I was in the kitchen, looking up at my mom. She was dressed in a pink apron, stirring something in a bowl. As the memory played I saw myself helping her bake and laughing with her as we made a mess. She kissed the top of my head as she slid the pie into the oven, then again as she slid it out and the familiar scent of blueberry pie wafted into my nose.
Oh my god... I ran to the source of the smell, barely keeping my slippers on as i sprinted to the pie shop. I shoved a man out of the way that I knew to be Charles Stevens, he hated everyone as much as i did, but not right now, not at this glorious moment... I ran to the counter and when I saw the blueberry pies i burst into tears right there and sank to my knees, sobbing in front of the entire neighborhood who were just there for pies, and nothing else.
Monday, May 2, 2011
Off topic and deciding to ignore him, I found a table and ordered what what my new wad of cash could buy me, which was surprisingly a lot. I got some dumplings too, just because they were filling, their little pouches stuffed to perfection, a bowl of brown looking noodles topped with unidentified vegetables and meat, and lastly some little egg role type things that just smelled like heaven. However my appetite was spoiled by thinking about the guy on the counter. I couldn't stop thinking about what he had said to me, and noticed I had barely touched my dinner by the time I felt full. I got a dogie bag, paid, then left to bring the left overs home.
Could i have been the one wrong all along...? My parents were freaks yeah, and they deserved to rot in hell, and they had forced me to be something I didn't want, and were not proud of me for being the person I wanted to be.... I talked myself out of the stupid notion and continued home, wanting to fill my fridge with my noodles and dumplings.
Friday, March 25, 2011
"DAMN IT!!!" I shouted at my failure. Another thought suddenly hit me as well. "Trash bags..." I gasped, pushing away piles of ash to try and find them.
My efforts were futile and I had no such luck finding them. I coughed again and again before my eyes began watering and i thought i was going to throw up. I covered my mouth and quickly tried to run out. I kept tripping over pieces of burnt wood and bottles of empty beer. My knees and elbows were bloody and I couldn't breathe at all by the time i located the exit and was able to climb over the fence to get out. I took in a greedy breath and threw up . My vomit was black, all black... Just looking at it made me throw up again. After a few good minutes i was able to breathe again. I brushed the black snow off of my arms and legs and hissed as it stung my cuts.
"Sh..." i cursed.
I found a water fountain nearby and washed myself off. Then i quickly drank as much of it as I could, clearing my throat of everything that was sticking inside it. When i was finished I collapsed onto the ground, panting heavily. Killing yourself wasn't as easy as i thought it would be, and it certainly sucked if you failed. My lungs ached and my eyes stung enough for tears to continually run down my cheeks, streaking the soot that stuck to my skin like peanut butter. I rubbed my eyes with my sleeves and cleared them enough to finally see where i was. I was in a parking lot somewhere... As i looked around I realized where I was. A car suddenly whizzed past me, sending gasoline fumes into my eyes next. I screamed in pain and covered them until it parked on the other side of the lot. I got back up to the water fountain and rinsed my eyes as best i could. It hurt just as bad as the soot but it was going to help, i hoped... I checked my pocket for my cell phone. Maybe i needed to go to the hospital... i found it in my right pocket and pulled it out. It had a lovely new crack in the screen, but it was still functional. The time said it was 1:05 pm. I suddenly heard the squeaking of wheels from the direction the truck had gone. I looked up and saw two men dressed in black carting an ATM across the lot.
"What the hell...?" i squinted, wondering if my eyes were deceiving me. There was no way...
i snuck around the lot, hiding behind cars that had been abandoned there and got close enough to realize i wasn't crazy. THESE guys were freaking crazy! The police station was right across the road!!! They were going to get caught the idiots. I couldn't help but watch them as they tried to load it up onto the truck, and were failing miserably. I had a sudden wish that this robbery would affect my parents bank accounts. Watch them squirm as their assets dried up and they were left with nothing, forced to live it a crappy place like i did, with crazy-ass neighbors and old men that yelled at you for no reason!!! I wanted them to suffer... my mind got back on track when the ATM fell on one of the men. I heard the sickening sound of his bones crunching. I snickered and smiled as the other man began frantically trying to pull it off of him.
"This is an analogy for society, crushed by our capitalism and greed..." I whispered under my breath.
Saturday, March 12, 2011
"Oh Agnes..." The clown sighed.
Who would be on a date in the middle of a freaking fire?!?!? Idiots!!! I turned back. I actually wasn't worried at all... The fire was fun to watch. it was an unstoppable force that destroyed everything. It was beautiful, but horrid at the same time. The smoke ran through my nose and clouded my eyes. Tears streamed down my cheeks but i was smiling from ear to ear. i threw out my arms and just enjoyed the emanating heat, knowing i would suffocate and die eventually. But hell, life was the most horrible thing i had ever experienced, and it was about damn time it was over.
"See ya suckers." I coughed before i fell to the ground, the smoke clouding my vision and sending me to a dark, dark place...
Friday, March 11, 2011
A honk came from behind me as I walked down the street to go to the carnival that was in town. I turned around to find an old decrepit clown on a tricycle smiling at me. His teeth were filed down to be all pointy, and his clown make-up was smudged and smeared, giving his innocent red grin a ghastly joker like smile. His eyes held no happiness, except in the enjoyment of trying to scare me, and the other kids that were around. He let out a dry, hacked laugh and cycled around me, honking his old gold horn that had long since lost its sound, and amusement.
“Get lost you stupid clown.” I hissed at him, not enjoying his company in the least.
He honked at me again and ran over my toe. That was it, final straw. I kicked his tricycle, sending him flying. He fell to the ground and I snatched his horn before walking away.
“Stupid clown, not even funny…” I mumbled as I felt the rusting metal horn in my hands.
I headed through the iron gates that contained the park and the screaming kids. They ran around with cotton candy sticks that had bugs lodges in the strings of sugar, and lollipops shaped like body parts. A dog suddenly ran through and stole a girls arm shaped lollipop and ran of with it. The girl began to cry and I said to her,
“That’s life kid.” Before continuing on.
The adults that came to the carnival were either old clowns, balloon men that refused to make anything but a snakes, and a random sick looking man that screamed ‘winning!’ at me before jumping away. I didn’t want to stay here long, and began just quickly looking around. I spotted a row of games that involved real guns, and throwing knifes at a dummy. I paid a dollar to try the knife throwing and missed the first shot. The second time I pictured my mothers face and WHAM! The knife went right into the dummies face. The fat, limping, one-eyed, bald man that was running the game handed me a box of Glad trash bags, oh the irony…
“What kind of prize is this?” I asked him.
“My kind of prize.” He laughed, his large belly bouncing as he did.
“You suck!” He snapped.
I went to throw the box at his head, when I realized I might actually need them. “Next time old man, try getting a prize that isn’t from a grocery store.”
Then I walked away to ride the tilt-a-whirl; my trash bags and me were going to ride till we puked.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
It was freezing outside, unbearably freezing. The promised snow from the weatherman had instantly turned to ice, making the roads a disgusting grey safety hazard. The man at the counter pretended to not hear me and began cleaning something.
"Um, hello?" I asked, the place was not that busy, mostly people were inside for the smell and warmth.
The man continued to ignore me.
"Coffee, black. Do you speak English?" I asked, now annoyed.
Still nothing, he had moved onto replacing the sugar in a crusty green container. Now I had gotten the message, he was purposely ignoring me. What a jerk. I felt like knocking him upside the head with a mug. Someone else got the hint too and cut in front of me. Some blond that reminded me of my mother ordered and he instantly got her what she wanted. I fumed with anger. As soon as she left I told the guy,
"Listen jack a** if you want me out of your hair get me my friggin coffee. I wont leave until you get it for me, and I think that is the last thing you want."
I never saw a man make coffee faster. When he handed it to me I paid and stormed out of the place. I was so mad I almost slipped on the ice covering the sidewalk. I growled and headed for home. As I walked I took a sip of the coffee, hoping it would warm me up. Speed had not made up for quality, it tasted like crap. I drank as much as I could to warm me up before I threw the rest away, not wanting to have to taste it. Suddenly, just as I reached the building I spotted a black crow over my head squack at me. A woman near me screamed and dashed away. I smiled and my heart went a flutter. I knew what a black crow meant, death. I wondered who was going to die. Hopefully my mother, or the coffee guy. I laughed happily and watched it fly over to me and land on my shoulder.
"And who are you going to kill today?" I asked the bird, but as I asked I recognized the look in the birds eyes. This was no ordinary crow, it belonged to the woman I had seen on the rooftop. "You're not going to kill anyone..." I sighed, my heart sinking.
The bird squacked at me.
"What?" I asked. "You're not killing me, nu-uh I'm outliving my mother."
It just screetched again. I wasn't going to die.... But i swatted the bird away and kept on walking. I knew better than to mess with death. Death and I were going to be great friends if he/she would ever fulfil my order that I had placed a while ago. The waiting list was endless...
Thursday, October 7, 2010
"Any of you guys want to see a severed head?" I asked aloud.
I got no response except the whistle of the wind.
"You guys have probably already seen one." I shrugged, heading deeper into the graveyard and between graves.
I suddenly wondered if the guy who was missing his head was here...maybe the fresher graves...? I went to go find some when I spotted someone in front of a grave. Hu...who the hell sleeps here? Well that is, besides me sometimes...wait, was it the body of the man with the missing head...? I peered around, hopeful it was. When i spotted his sleeping face I sighed, no, it was not the body...Then I wondered, would he like to see a picture of a severed guys head? I hesitated in asking him, I already looked Gothic enough to give people concern I didn't need the added fear of asking people if they wanted to see a severed head. I went to go walk in the other direction when I saw a dog run to the man, sniff his crotch then pee on him. I gasped and began laughing so hard it hurt. The man on the ground didn't wake.
"What an idiot..." I laughed before I walked away, my hunger slowly returning.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
I needed to get out, now. I grabbed my keys and left my room slamming the door behind me. I was heading up to the rooftop to clear my head. I stormed down the hallway. I got many weird looks from people I passed, including this man who gave me a smile that was scary enough to send chills down my spine...The others looked me up and down like I was some kind of freak for the way I wanted to dress. Screw them, I didnt need their judgment. I went up the stairs and onto the roof top garden. I closed my eyes and breathed in the semi fresh air and waited for all the thoughts to clear from my head. A bird screech suddenly broke my meditation. I opened my eyes to see an older looking woman looking over the buildings edge with a black crow on her shoulder. Interesting...I wondered if it was her pet. The lady turned around after the bird schreeched at her again. Oh boy, here it comes. She's either going to scream and run away, yell at me to not be such a freak, give me a weird look, or quickly turn back around and pretend I'm not there. Instead, she smiled at me and gave a quick wave. A flutter of happiness ran through my body. She hadn't looked at me like I was from Hell or that I needed to be different. She just smiled at me, like I was a person... I hadnt realized how much I needed that until this woman had done just that. I smiled back and waved. She nodded and then turned back to the scenery. If only my real mother looked at me like that, instead of the way everyone else looked at me. This woman, whoever she was, had made my day. I sighed and sat onto the edge of the ledge. Maybe there was hope for humanity after all...